Your child may only be two or seven years old when you divorce, but if you don’t address in your Parenting Plan NOW who will pay for college, you’ll be back in an expensive court battle with your ex before you know it.
While it is not possible to see everything lurking in your crystal ball, not looking far enough ahead and not considering as many possibilities as you can, are major mistakes that people make when writing up and agreeing to a Parenting Plan.
You can agree to almost anything in your Parenting Plan (as long as it’s no illegal, of course). For instance, one women who’s (car and bike fanatical) husband had got in a drunk driving accident with their son, stipulated that their children will not be allowed to be a passenger on or drive a motor bike until they are 18.
A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help you write a personalized, comprehensive Parenting Plan to take into your lawyer.
In this post, please share with others, stipulations in your Parenting Plan that have been useful and what stipulations others should avoid.
Friday, April 4, 2008
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BLOG ABOUT?
Let us know what other topic you’d like to see addressed in this blog.
Please contact beth@divorcedoula.com with your suggestions.
Thanks!
Please contact beth@divorcedoula.com with your suggestions.
Thanks!
RESOURCES
Do you have a GREAT attorney, counselor, financial advisor or other professional who you’d like to recommend to others. Please list them here.
Here’s a few:
Divorce Coaches
Financial, Practical, Emotional Advice
Divorce Doula, Inc.
http://www.divorcedoula.com/
Family Law Attorney
Rosemarie Warren-LeMoine (Bellevue)
425-462-0838
Family Counselor
Jo Tamayao-Hanson, M.S.W./L.M.H.C.
425-485-4755
206-478-3503
How to find a lawyer in the State of Wa
Washington State Bar Association
(Also has online public resources.)
www.wsba.org
Locate a Family Therapist Near You
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Website:
www.aamft.org
Here’s a few:
Divorce Coaches
Financial, Practical, Emotional Advice
Divorce Doula, Inc.
http://www.divorcedoula.com/
Family Law Attorney
Rosemarie Warren-LeMoine (Bellevue)
425-462-0838
Family Counselor
Jo Tamayao-Hanson, M.S.W./L.M.H.C.
425-485-4755
206-478-3503
How to find a lawyer in the State of Wa
Washington State Bar Association
(Also has online public resources.)
www.wsba.org
Locate a Family Therapist Near You
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Website:
www.aamft.org
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
JUST FOR KIDS
Divorce affects kids, too!
Kids (of all ages) this is your place to post your thoughts on how to help other kids get through those first few tough years of adjustment, and beyond. Thanks for your comments!
Kids (of all ages) this is your place to post your thoughts on how to help other kids get through those first few tough years of adjustment, and beyond. Thanks for your comments!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
MEN AND MONEY
Women aren’t the only ones affected financially by divorce.
Not all men have the scruples of a man I know who earns $170,000 and who’s second wife earns the same, allowing them a total take home pay of $20,000.00 each month, while he sends his two children just one tenth of his income in child support, even though Washington State allows up to 45% of the non-custodial parent’s income to be given as child support. He was happy to fully support his children if he was married to their mother, but not anymore. And, even though, on the child support worksheets there is a place to put the other adult in the household’s income (presumably if you have someone sharing household expenses, then you have more of your own income available to you to give to your children) it seems that this is taken into consideration in too few circumstances.
At the other end of the spectrum, I know a married couple where the wife works and the husband is a stay-at-home dad; attending scout meetings and coaching soccer. If they were to divorce, this man would be in the same position as many women who have been non- or low- wage earners during a marriage – akin to being fresh out of college. I’ve also heard of a friend-of-a-friend who lives back east’, whose ex-wife is a college professor, and both their children are grown and left home, yet he still has to pay her maintenance in perpetuity.
Somehow, there must be a better way to equal out the finances. It’s very difficult, especially in situations where there has been only one wage earner in the household during the marriage. Can that person now support two households? The ideals of having one parent stay home for the children don’t seem so easy any more. However, there is still the issue that the spouse who hasn’t worked for 5,10,15,20 years has no more earning capability than a 23 year old out of college.
In his book “The Complete Single Father”, author and single father, Michael Shimberg says “The first commandment for single dads is the mantra TOYK, or ‘think of your kids’. This is an important concept and puts perspective and priorities on all other decisions you make.”
This post is for the men out there who do support financial equality for their spouse who stayed home for their children all those years while he ‘climbed the corporate ladder’; for the men out there who do have their children’s best interests in mind (no matter what they think of, or feel about, their ex); for the men out there who want to work towards changing legislation and challenging lawmakers.
Your positive and proactive suggestions are welcome. Please share your experiences with situations that have worked, so that we can all benefit from your solutions.
Not all men have the scruples of a man I know who earns $170,000 and who’s second wife earns the same, allowing them a total take home pay of $20,000.00 each month, while he sends his two children just one tenth of his income in child support, even though Washington State allows up to 45% of the non-custodial parent’s income to be given as child support. He was happy to fully support his children if he was married to their mother, but not anymore. And, even though, on the child support worksheets there is a place to put the other adult in the household’s income (presumably if you have someone sharing household expenses, then you have more of your own income available to you to give to your children) it seems that this is taken into consideration in too few circumstances.
At the other end of the spectrum, I know a married couple where the wife works and the husband is a stay-at-home dad; attending scout meetings and coaching soccer. If they were to divorce, this man would be in the same position as many women who have been non- or low- wage earners during a marriage – akin to being fresh out of college. I’ve also heard of a friend-of-a-friend who lives back east’, whose ex-wife is a college professor, and both their children are grown and left home, yet he still has to pay her maintenance in perpetuity.
Somehow, there must be a better way to equal out the finances. It’s very difficult, especially in situations where there has been only one wage earner in the household during the marriage. Can that person now support two households? The ideals of having one parent stay home for the children don’t seem so easy any more. However, there is still the issue that the spouse who hasn’t worked for 5,10,15,20 years has no more earning capability than a 23 year old out of college.
In his book “The Complete Single Father”, author and single father, Michael Shimberg says “The first commandment for single dads is the mantra TOYK, or ‘think of your kids’. This is an important concept and puts perspective and priorities on all other decisions you make.”
This post is for the men out there who do support financial equality for their spouse who stayed home for their children all those years while he ‘climbed the corporate ladder’; for the men out there who do have their children’s best interests in mind (no matter what they think of, or feel about, their ex); for the men out there who want to work towards changing legislation and challenging lawmakers.
Your positive and proactive suggestions are welcome. Please share your experiences with situations that have worked, so that we can all benefit from your solutions.
BOOKS AND RESOURCES
Please post books and resources here that will help other women.
Here’s a few (you can find more at www.divorcedoula.com):
BOOKS
“Rise Above Your Divorce and Land on Your F.E.E.T; be Financially confident, Emotionally stable, Efficiently organized and Tomorrow focused” by Elizabeth Rand
(This book is not yet available. To be included on the Publication Announcement list, please send your e-mail address to beth@divorcedoula.com.)
“Fair Share Divorce” by Kathleen Miller
WEBSITES
http://www.divorcenet.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesupport.com/
DIVORCE COACHES
Did you know that, at the time of this posting, that Divorce Doula is the only DIVORCE COACH that divorcenet.com has listed for the State of Washington. Please let us know how we can help you. http://www.divorcedoula.com/
Here’s a few (you can find more at www.divorcedoula.com):
BOOKS
“Rise Above Your Divorce and Land on Your F.E.E.T; be Financially confident, Emotionally stable, Efficiently organized and Tomorrow focused” by Elizabeth Rand
(This book is not yet available. To be included on the Publication Announcement list, please send your e-mail address to beth@divorcedoula.com.)
“Fair Share Divorce” by Kathleen Miller
WEBSITES
http://www.divorcenet.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesupport.com/
DIVORCE COACHES
Did you know that, at the time of this posting, that Divorce Doula is the only DIVORCE COACH that divorcenet.com has listed for the State of Washington. Please let us know how we can help you. http://www.divorcedoula.com/
COMMUNITY PROPERTY
Did you know that airmiles (even those accrued from your spouse’s business travel) are community property?!
A Divorce Coach at http://www.divorcedoula.com/ can help you write your Financial and Property Settlement Order draft.
Help others by posting here what else do you know of that is community property, that might not commonly be thought of as half yours!
A Divorce Coach at http://www.divorcedoula.com/ can help you write your Financial and Property Settlement Order draft.
Help others by posting here what else do you know of that is community property, that might not commonly be thought of as half yours!
HIRING AN ATTORNEY VS PRO-SE
I've seen too many women trying to save money by representing themselves in a divorce and end up loosing significantly more money for the rest of their lives. One woman represented herself and she ended up with no maintenance, very low child support, no car, no money for her own re-education after being a stay-at-home mother during an 18 year marriage, etc. Another woman didn't ask for child support or maintenance at all, because she initiated the divorce and felt guilty about hurting her husband. Her husband earns $400,000/yr, and right now she's in danger of loosing everything - her new business and her home - because she's completely run out of money. She can't get a business loan or another mortgage or even rent an apartment because she has no independent credit or work history. If both of these women, and so many more like them could have found a few thousand dollars to pay a attorney for their divorce proceedings, they would now be able to start paying that expense off and still have money to live on. Now, both of these women are in serious financial difficulties. I hired a attorney, and I own a house, a cabin, I'm getting the maximum child support (that the state allows), and maintenance for 4 years.
Consider it the equivalent of getting a student loan to start your life off again. If you decide not to go to college in order to save money you end up in a low paying job for the rest of your life. However, if you get a loan and pay for college, you end up with a higher paying job, eventually pay off your student loan, and then live comfortably for the rest of your life. Not that you are guaranteed of "winning" everything, if you do hire a attorney, but if you don't hire a attorney now it can affect you the rest of your life; how can you know what you are entitled to and how can you know how to fight for it, if you do not have the knowledge and experience that you are hiring a attorney for? Not only do women tend not fight so hard for their rights when they go pro bono, they don't even know what all their rights are. Find the money somewhere, somehow!
A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help you save money by helping you prepare your documents before you go into your lawyer.
Share your positive experiences with obtaining a sufficient divorce settlement. Please help other women to make the right decision during a tough time in their life. Suggest how we can help women find the money for their legal fees – micro-loans, family loans, attorneys who extend credit, etc? One way to save money is to get a Divorce Coach to help prepare all your documents before you go into your attorney. If you go in and ask the attorney to start the whole process, you can be paying $200 - $300+ an hour for administrative details. Please share with other women what has worked for you
Disclaimer: I’m not a attorney and I don’t get any “kick-backs” from any attorneys. I just sincerely believe, from my own experiences and from watching those of others, that if you don’t hire a attorney to represent you now, it will affect you and your children for the rest of your lives.
Consider it the equivalent of getting a student loan to start your life off again. If you decide not to go to college in order to save money you end up in a low paying job for the rest of your life. However, if you get a loan and pay for college, you end up with a higher paying job, eventually pay off your student loan, and then live comfortably for the rest of your life. Not that you are guaranteed of "winning" everything, if you do hire a attorney, but if you don't hire a attorney now it can affect you the rest of your life; how can you know what you are entitled to and how can you know how to fight for it, if you do not have the knowledge and experience that you are hiring a attorney for? Not only do women tend not fight so hard for their rights when they go pro bono, they don't even know what all their rights are. Find the money somewhere, somehow!
A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help you save money by helping you prepare your documents before you go into your lawyer.
Share your positive experiences with obtaining a sufficient divorce settlement. Please help other women to make the right decision during a tough time in their life. Suggest how we can help women find the money for their legal fees – micro-loans, family loans, attorneys who extend credit, etc? One way to save money is to get a Divorce Coach to help prepare all your documents before you go into your attorney. If you go in and ask the attorney to start the whole process, you can be paying $200 - $300+ an hour for administrative details. Please share with other women what has worked for you
Disclaimer: I’m not a attorney and I don’t get any “kick-backs” from any attorneys. I just sincerely believe, from my own experiences and from watching those of others, that if you don’t hire a attorney to represent you now, it will affect you and your children for the rest of your lives.
WORKING SINGLE MOTHERS
Please post comments here about re-entering the workforce.
Many of us have stayed home during a marriage in order to raise our children. This was a joint decision and supported by our then-husbands. Suddenly after 5,10,15,20 years we are forced to go out and work. While our ex's have spent the past years building their career and getting raises, we are in the same financial situation as a person straight out of college. People straight out of college don't usually have 2.5 children to support, rent or mortgage for a home big enough to house a family, childcare costs, perhaps even college costs for their own children, need I go on?
Statistics say that a woman who has been out of the workforce for just three years looses 37% of her earning power.
Sadly, a lot of women don't know to ask for maintenance (formerly known as alimony), or their lawyer's don't address the issues. For instance, in Washington State, the guidelines are that the woman should receive one year of maintenance or every three years of the relationship (relationship! - not marriage). However, these are just guidelines, and there is no standard as to how much maintenance a women should receive.
In addition, credit worthiness is not community property. Once a woman who was a low- or non-wage earner in a marriage divorces, it's very difficult, if not impossible to qualify for any credit - she doesn't have a job (or has a too low paying job) in order to qualify and/or to afford the payments, and/or she doesn't have any equity in a home. The husband, who has always had a job, and can show stable income, can still easily get credit, and afford the payments. This needs to be taken into consideration at the time of the divorce settlement.
Save money! A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help you prepare your financial orders before you go into your attorney.
Share your experiences, and share what you think can proactively be done about this inequality.
Many of us have stayed home during a marriage in order to raise our children. This was a joint decision and supported by our then-husbands. Suddenly after 5,10,15,20 years we are forced to go out and work. While our ex's have spent the past years building their career and getting raises, we are in the same financial situation as a person straight out of college. People straight out of college don't usually have 2.5 children to support, rent or mortgage for a home big enough to house a family, childcare costs, perhaps even college costs for their own children, need I go on?
Statistics say that a woman who has been out of the workforce for just three years looses 37% of her earning power.
Sadly, a lot of women don't know to ask for maintenance (formerly known as alimony), or their lawyer's don't address the issues. For instance, in Washington State, the guidelines are that the woman should receive one year of maintenance or every three years of the relationship (relationship! - not marriage). However, these are just guidelines, and there is no standard as to how much maintenance a women should receive.
In addition, credit worthiness is not community property. Once a woman who was a low- or non-wage earner in a marriage divorces, it's very difficult, if not impossible to qualify for any credit - she doesn't have a job (or has a too low paying job) in order to qualify and/or to afford the payments, and/or she doesn't have any equity in a home. The husband, who has always had a job, and can show stable income, can still easily get credit, and afford the payments. This needs to be taken into consideration at the time of the divorce settlement.
Save money! A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help you prepare your financial orders before you go into your attorney.
Share your experiences, and share what you think can proactively be done about this inequality.
CHILD SUPPORT INADEQUACY
Please post comments under this topic regarding how we can be proactive in addressing the child support inadequacy problem.
For instance, in Washington State the child support schedule has not been adjusted for inflation since 1991.
In addition, the McCausland case ruled that you can't extrapolate beyond the cap, which is currently $7000. A father I know earns twice that, but only LEGALLY has to pay child support on half his income. And while most of his income used to go to his children, he now LEGALLY gives them 10%.
Our children live in near poverty, while their non-custodial parents are well off. What can we do about these inadequacies?
Save money! A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help prepare your Child Support Order and your Parenting Plan before you go into your lawyer.
For instance, in Washington State the child support schedule has not been adjusted for inflation since 1991.
In addition, the McCausland case ruled that you can't extrapolate beyond the cap, which is currently $7000. A father I know earns twice that, but only LEGALLY has to pay child support on half his income. And while most of his income used to go to his children, he now LEGALLY gives them 10%.
Our children live in near poverty, while their non-custodial parents are well off. What can we do about these inadequacies?
Save money! A Divorce Coach at www.divorcedoula.com can help prepare your Child Support Order and your Parenting Plan before you go into your lawyer.
Friday, March 28, 2008
WELCOME
Welcome to Divorce Doula's new blog!
Posting will begin by mid-April, so please check back.
If you need help with your divorce, please contact info@divorcedoula.com and let us know how we can help you!
Thanks!
Beth
Posting will begin by mid-April, so please check back.
If you need help with your divorce, please contact info@divorcedoula.com and let us know how we can help you!
Thanks!
Beth
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